


One call away

by vcdbtch



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Boys In Love, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depression, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Love, M/M, Merthur - Freeform, Suicide Attempt, suicidal Merlin, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:14:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24943687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vcdbtch/pseuds/vcdbtch
Summary: Merlin desperately needs someone to talk to, too bad no one picked up the phone.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 27
Kudos: 239





	1. Chapter 1

Merlin crumpled against the door with a quiet sob, still clutching his his jacket in his hands. He leaned against the door and buried his face in his jacket in an attempt to muffle his loud sobs but his attempt was futile. After leaning against the door for a few minutes, his shaky legs finally gave out and he crumpled to the floor. He brought his knees to his chest and buried his face in his knees as he tried to calm himself down enough to work out what he was going to do. The day started out like any normal day, until he arrived at work and was told he was being let go. Now, that wouldn't be too bad, seeing as he hates his job and every one of his co-workers, but the problem was the job was the only thing keeping him stable. The job barely paid enough to keep his apartment and he realised if he didn't get a new job soon, his landlord would kick him out and he would be homeless. Sure, one of his friends would probably let him crash at their house for a few weeks but he couldn't do that to them, he couldn't be a burden.

When he finally calmed himself down enough to stand up, he walked to the bathroom to splash cool water on his face. He turned the tap on and splashed cool water on his face, taking a brief moment to enjoy the cool chill than ran through his body when a few droplets slid down his shirt. He turned the tap off and brought his head up to look at his reflection in the mirror and his breath hitched at what was staring back at him. His hair was a mess, mainly from him anxiously running his hand through it on the drive home. His cheeks were flushed, the water droplets sliding down his face like tears-though he was pretty sure some were tears. His eyes weren't the vibrant blue they usually were, instead they were a dull grey surrounded by dark eye bags. An overwhelming rage washed over his body and he gripped the sink, his nails scratching against the metal in an attempt to stop himself from lashing out and punching the mirror.

The beep of his watch brought him out of his thoughts and calmed him down enough to let up his grip and he suddenly remembered it was time to take his medication, though Anxiety meds seemed kind of worthless right now. He wiped his nose with his sleeve as he opened the cabinet door and grabbed the bottle of pills, popped the cap off and poured the pills into his hand. When a few more pills than he had intended fell onto his hand, he found himself running his thumb over them as his mind raced. He promised himself no matter how bad things got, he would never resort to this. But after everything that was going on in his life, nothing seemed worth it anymore and he thought 'maybe promises can be broken'.

That's when an image of Arthur's smiling face popped up in his head and he realised he did have things to live for. He had his friends, the friends that didn't even have to acknowledge him, but they chose to. He scooped the pills back into the bottle and walked over to his phone, his hands shaking in anticipation, or maybe it was because he hadn't taken his meds yet. He leaned against the kitchen counter as he scrolled through the contacts with trembling hands until he finally came across Arthur's. He pressed on the contact and brought the phone up to his ear, squeezing his eyes shut to stop himself from breaking down again with one thought running through his head: 'Please pick up'.

It seemed luck was not on his side today and the dial tone eventually ran out. He bit into his knuckles to keep his sobs in, wondering how the hell he was going to get past this. A shrill 'beep' pulled him out of his thoughts and Merlin realised it had flicked over to Arthur's voicemail. He felt himself calm down just a little upon hearing Arthur's voice on the recording.

"Hey Arthur, uh i know you're probably at work or something but i guess i just called because i got fired and i just feel like everything is crumbling around me and i can't fucking breathe. I'm not sure what i'm going to do now but it's pretty bad so i want to tell you that you mean the absolute world to me and i would die for you, a million times over. Hopefully i'll be okay and you'll get this message and come over or something but just in case, i just wanted you to know. Goodbye, i love you"

Merlin hung up the phone and let the phone slip through his fingers, it falling to the floor with a dull thud. He let out another choked sob and put a trembling hand on his mouth to stop himself from screaming his voice hoarse. His heart was pounding in his chest so hard it felt like it would break through his ribs. His throat felt like it was closing and suddenly he couldn't breathe. He pushed himself off the counter and stumbled his way back to the bathroom, grabbing the pill bottle and tipping the contents in his hand. He ran his thumb over the smooth pills and closed his eyes, trying to find the light in the darkness of his mind but it never came. Without a second thought, he brought his hand to his mouth and swallowed the pills in one go. He cupped his hands under the running tap and used his hands as a cup, gulping down the water like a lifeline and swallowing the residue of the pills that stuck to his mouth.

With the main part over, now all that was left to do was wait. He clutched the sink again and looked at himself in the mirror, staring right back into his dull eyes. He hadn't even realised he was getting lightheaded until he made a move to leave the bathroom and stumbled. His hearing became muffled and he swore he could hear the shrill tone of his phone ringing in the distance but that couldn't be, who would want to call him?.

As the world started to tilt on it's axis, Merlin briefly thought he heard someone pounding on his front door but he convinced himself it was just his heartbeat in his ears. He allowed himself a small smile as his vision dotted and the ground seemed a lot closer than it did before. Just as his body started to feel light and he realised he was falling, he felt strong arms catch him before he hit the ground and pull him to their chest.

He looked up through hazy eyes and could make out the familiar blonde hair and red shirt and if he wasn't delirious, he could have sworn he felt something wet hit the side of his face. His eyes trailed down from blue orbs to plump lips and he followed their movements, though nothing seemed to be coming out of them. He heard a very faint sound of someone screaming and felt a strong hand on his cheek before he felt his body become light and darkness finally overcame him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and Merlin in the hospital

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since yall requested a part 2. I may end up doing a third part but i'm not sure yet, i guess you'll find out.
> 
> Also i'm sorry if this isn't what you expected or if there is some errors, i'm writing this at 10pm and i spent the entire day in Coffs harbour so i'm really tired lol.

Arthur was having the worst day of his life, well that may be an overstatement but it _was_ horrible. First, his alarm didn't go off when it was supposed to so he was late for work and missed his morning coffee which meant he was going to be irritable and tired all day. Then, his Father scolded him about being late and gave him a speech about how he needed his employee's to work to their highest abilities. And to make matters worse, he had a meeting first thing in the morning so he had to sit on the uncomfortable chairs for three hours listening to his Father and his secretary drone on and on about their business plans and since he woke up late, he didn't have his morning coffee or breakfast for that matter so he was tired, cranky and hungry.

When lunchtime finally rolled around and the meeting ended, he shot out of his chair and made a be-line for the break room, desperately trying to keep his head down to avoid conversation. Luckily for him, he managed to get to the break room unnoticed and started making his coffee. He switched the pot on the pulled his phone out his pocket, leaning against the counter as he waited it to power on.

He smiled when he saw the missed call and voicemail notification from Merlin and absent mindedly made his coffee as he navigated through the call log to listen to the voicemail. He clicked the button and put his phone on speaker, putting it on the counter beside him as he poured the coffee into the cup.

"Hey Arthur, uh i know you're probably at work or something but i guess i just called because i got fired and i just feel like everything is crumbling around be and i can't fucking breathe. I'm not sure what i'm going to do now but it's pretty bad so i want to tell you that you mean the absolute world to me and i would die for you, a million times over. Hopefully i'll be okay and you'll get this message and come over or something but just in case, i just wanted you to know. Goodbye, i love you"

Arthur's heart dropped to his stomach and without a second thought, he picked up his phone and ran out of the break room, the half filled cup of coffee forgotten on the counter. He frantically dialled Merlin's number as he sprinted through the office, weaving in and out of the seemingly thousands of employees and heading towards the elevator. He thought he could hear his father's voice calling after him but he couldn't be sure, all he could hear was his heart beat in his ears. His breath hitched in his throat as the dial tone continued to ring until it clicked over to voicemail and Arthur then decided that the elevator wasn't fast enough so he opted for the stairs, skipping three at a time as he made his way to his car.

He continued to dial Merlin's number until he got to the car, then he shoved his phone onto the passenger seat and sped out of the parking garage so fast the tired squealed. He continued to drive, weaving in and out of lanes and running red lights, getting many angry looks and honks from other drivers but none of that mattered, nor did the ticket he was sure to get. Throughout the entire drive, all Arthur could think about was the pain in Merlin's voice. He sounded so broken and Arthur could hear his rapid breathing and choked sobs.

After driving for what seemed like hours, he finally arrived at Merlin's apartment building and he practically leaped out of the car before it had stopped. He dialled his number once again as he burst through the building doors and made his way to the stairs, whispering plea's under his breath. He whimpered as the dial tone rang out for the fifth time and he drove himself faster, bursting through the stairwell door and jumping up the stairs until he reached Merlin's apartment door.

He raised his knuckles to the door and pounded, anxiously shifting on his heels as he waited. The silence that followed made his heart only speed up and he allowed himself a little hope that maybe Merlin was in the bathroom and didn't hear the door so he knocked again.

"Merlin, please answer the door!" Arthur shouted loud enough for his voice to travel to the next floor. When another silence followed, Arthur decided enough was enough and he took a deep breath before he slammed his shoulder against his door, hard enough for the hinges to break and for a bruise to form but that was the least of his worries. He ran inside and made his way to the bedroom, pushing the door open and feeling a painful twist in his stomach when it was empty. He was just about to search the rest of the house when he saw light feeding through the crack in the bathroom door and his breath hitched in his throat.

He ran over to the door and without bothering to knock, he burst through the door. Merlin stood in the middle of the bathroom, his eyes unfocused and his legs trembling. He lunged forward and wrapped his arms around his small frame before he could hit the hard floor. He sank to his knees and pulled Merlin onto his lap, frantically fumbling for his phone in his pocket while keeping his head steady against his chest with his free hand.

"You're going to be okay, keep those pretty eyes open for me" He felt tears slide down his face that dripped onto Merlin's face and slide down like they were his own, though they very well could have been. He finally managed to get his phone out of his pockets and called for an ambulance, his hands trembling so much he had to put the phone on speaker and put it on the ground.

He did everything the responded told him to and when they said an ambulance was 5 minutes away, his heart painfully twisted in his chest and he couldn't stop himself from screaming. He felt bad, he knew it wasn't her fault and there was nothing she could do to speed up the Ambulance but seeing Merlin's tired eyes staring back at him as he held him close to his chest made him want to transfer his pain to him. 

For the 5 minutes, he held Merlin close to his chest and kept talking to him, begging him to keep his eyes open long enough because he knew if he closed his eyes than his breathing would slow down and Arthur couldn't bare it if that happened. After what seemed like way more than 5 minutes, the Paramedics finally came hustling in the room and pried Merlin from Arthur's arms. They hooked him up to an ECG machine before they carefully hauled him onto the stretcher and swiftly walked back to the elevator with Arthur right behind them.

***  
  
Once they got to the hospital, they told Arthur he couldn't follow them any further and despite every fibre in his body telling him to follow them anyway, he walked to the waiting room and slumped into one of the cool chairs.

He took a long, shaky breath and looked up at the ceiling, his fingers digging into the sides of the chair to stop himself from crying in front of people. After calming himself down, he realised he should probably call their friends, even though the selfish part of him wanted Merlin for himself. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and scrolled through his contacts, trying to decide which of his friends he should call. He eventually opted for calling Gwen because she was quiet and wouldn't ask him the questions he didn't want to answer.

The dial tone rang once, then twice and then finally the line clicked over the third time. " Arthur?" Gwen's soft voice came from the other end and he had to stop himself from sobbing.

"Gwen, g-get the others and come to the hospital."  
  
"Why, what's wrong? are you hurt?" He could sense the worry in her voice and he could hear her shuffling on the other line, probably already getting ready to come over.

"it's Merlin, Gwen he-" He trailed off, he knew he wouldn't be able to say the words. "Just come, i'll explain"  
  
And with that, he hung up the phone and shoved it back in his pocket. Though he didn't think he would be able to eat anything, sitting in the cold metal chair was making him antsy so he decided to walk to the vending machine and get something to eat. He put the coin in the slot and pressed the first button that he saw, which sent a packet of Doritos tumbling to the bottom, Merlin's favourite. Arthur couldn't help the small smile that tugged at his lips as he picked up the packet, remembering the times he and Merlin would study together, Arthur lying in Merlin's lap while he scoffed down a packet of Doritos.

He was brought out of his thoughts by a soft voice from behind him. He turned around to see their entire friend group standing behind him, confused but worried expressions on their faces. He breathed out a sigh of relief and wrapped his arms around Gwen's fragile frame, breathing in her comforting scent.

"Arthur, what happened? wheres Merlin?" 

Arthur sighed and pulled away, briefly looking at his other friends before swallowing thickly. "God, i don't know. He was just lying there, staring back at me and i could't do anything. The ambulance was taking so long and the responded was a nice lady but she-"  
  
"Arthur" Morgana's voice cut his rambling off and he realised he was hyperventilating. Gwen took his arm and pulled him towards the now empty waiting room. He slumped back down in the seat and stared at the ground, forgetting everyone still had no idea what was going on.

"What happened to Merlin" Morgana asked, her tone strong but soft at the same time.

"He, He overdosed"

The group visibly tensed. Gwen let out a choked sob and buried her face in Lancelot's shoulder, Morgana's grip tightened on his arm while the other's just stared back at him with wide eyes. Arthur had no idea what he was supposed to say, he had never dealt with suicide before and it was clear the other's hadn't either. Luckily for him, the nurse chose that exact moment to call them over.

He shot up out of his chair and walked over to her, the group following suit. They all watched her with anxious eyes, waiting to hear if they're friend had made it or not.

"Mister Emry's is going to be just fine. We managed to flush the pills out of his system and gave him a sedative to calm him down when he wakes, though that probably wont be for another day or so. He's extremely exhausted and malnourished, it's clear he has been under a lot of stress lately and probably isn't taking care of himself" She said.

The group let out a collective sigh of relief. Behind Arthur, Gwen let out another relieved sob and buried her face in Lance's shoulder. Morgana grasped his arm reassuringly, and Gwaine didn't do anything but stand there with sad eyes. 

"Can we see him?" Arthur asked. The Nurse briefly looked over the files in her arms before she nodded and gestured for the group to follow her. They all followed the nurse in silence to the room. She gave them a reassuring smile before she walked away, probably going to check on other patients or clock out for her shift. Arthur looked back at his friends and swallowed thickly before he walked in the room. 

As soon as Arthur saw him lying on the bed, he felt his heart sink. He looked so tired, the purple bags underneath his eyes looked worse in the natural light filtering in from the large window beside his bed. His stomach rose and fell much slower than Arthur liked but he had to remind himself he was still breathing, no matter how slowed. He walked over and sat down in the chair beside the bed, hesitating before he reached up and clutched Merlin's hand in his, being careful not to touch the IV further up his arm.   
  
Morgana walked over to his side and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, reminding him that he wasn't alone and it was okay to cry. No matter how much he wanted to, no matter how much his lungs felt like they were on fire, he refused cry in front of his friends, though most of them were anyway. He looked up at his friends who were all huddled together at the end of the bed, save Morgana and Gwen who were standing on either side of the bed. Lancelot stood next to Gwaine at the end of the bed, staring back at him with unleashed tears in their eyes. The room was eerily quiet and it wasn't exactly helping his heartache.

"why did he do this?" Gwaine asked.

Arthur looked back at the frail body of his friend being swallowed in overly white blankets and swallowed thickly. "He said he lost his job, that couldn't have been all though"  
  
"Wait, you talked to him?" Lancelot chimed in.

He squeezed his eyes shut and unconsciously squeezed Merlin's hand tighter, feeling an overwhelming wave of guilt wash over his body. During the two hour wait back in the waiting room. he couldn't help but blame himself. He kept thinking to himself that maybe, maybe if he had of just woken up early enough than the meeting wouldn't have had to be pushed back and maybe Arthur could have been able to answer his call. If he had answered, maybe Merlin wouldn't be in a hospital bed hooked up to various machines and tubes.

"He called me, before-" Arthur gestured vaguely. "I was in a meeting, i had my phone of. God, if i had of just had my phone on he could have talked to me and everything would be fine"  
  
He felt Morgana's grip tighten on his shoulder and he looked back up at her with pleading eyes. "it's not your fault, Arthur. Clearly there's more going on than we realised, he must have been suffering in silence for a while and none of us noticed"  
  
Arthur winced at the thought of Merlin, bright bubbly Merlin, suffering on his own for god knows how long. Though now that it was brought up, he could say he did notice a change in his friend lately. He always looked so tired and defeated, his shoulders were slumped like it was too much work to straighten his posture. His smile never reached his eyes anymore and said eyes weren't as bright as he remembered. His laugh was more of a forced chuckle and sometimes, he wouldn't laugh at all. He was also slowly distancing himself from his friends, always making up excuses to getting out of going to get drinks with them. Arthur had the idea to just order take out and eat as a group at one of their apartment's but Merlin still smiled the forced smile and said he had things to do.

Their friends stayed for another hour before they all decided to let Arthur have some time alone with Merlin, which he was grateful for. They all left with a kiss to Merlin's forehead, or a soft squeeze on his hand that wasn't being deathly gripped by Arthur. The very second they left, all of his pent up emotions became too much and he let a quiet sob break through his lips before he stood up and buried his face in Merlin's shoulder, breathing in the familiar scent that could only be described as earth. He smelt like what he always imagined a forest to smell like. He smelt like the fresh air after a night of rain.

Arthur stood there for some time, quietly crying in his sleeping friend's shoulder before he drained himself of tears and suddenly felt very exhausted. He leaned back and rested his forehead against Merlin's, enjoying the chance to be in such a close proximity. His heart raced in his chest at the feeling of Merlin's soft breath ghosting over his lips and he fought the sudden urge to lean in and press his lips against his. After listening to the voicemail, he now knows that Merlin feels the same way he does which made him shiver with anticipation but no matter how much he wanted to kiss him, he was going to wait until they were in a better environment than a hospital, he was going to wait until he could enjoy it too.

He pulled away and slumped back in the chair, resting his head on the back and staring up at the ceiling as his thoughts swirled around in his head. He felt an oncoming headache as a result and opted for pressing a quick kiss to their joined hands and resting his head on the edge of the bed near his hip, rubbing his thumb along his knuckles until he felt the enticing pull of darkness.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin finally wakes up, now time for lots of talking and fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also i'm sorry this chapter is really short, i was originally going to just end it in this chapter but i'm so tired. I wanted to get something written for the people who might be reading this.
> 
> Also, in case any of yall are confused. I'm Australian so when i write "chips" i mean packaged chips like doritos and stuff. I think people from the UK call them Crisps.

Merlin woke up almost three days later.

During those three days, Arthur sat by his side all day and night. He would only leave Merlin's side to get something to eat or have a shower and even then, he showered in the hospital bathroom. His friends visited for a few hours each day but most of the time, it was only the two of them in the room. He sat in the uncomfortable plastic chair beside the bed, clutching his limp hand like a lifeline and either reading a book or listening to voice recordings of Merlin's voice. Just recently, Arthur found out Merlin has quite a voice on him and he also discovered Merlin recorded some songs on his phone. The nurse said when he was brought in that he would most likely be unconscious for a day or so as a result from the heavy sedative they gave him, but it still made his heart twist with every day that went past. Hearing Merlin's voice made the painful feeling that etched itself deep into his heart lift, even just a little bit.

Majority of the time Arthur spent at the hospital was him trying to figure out what he was going to say to Merlin once he woke up. The nurses told him he would most likely be upset and scared, Arthur worried what he would do if that happened. He had talked about it with his friends, thought about it every second of everyday and ultimately decided just to be there for him as best he could and hoped it was enough.

It was day three, Arthur had just come back from the vending machine with a bag of chips and Jelly when Merlin woke up. At first, he didn't even notice the slight shift of his arms or the half lidded eyes, he just walked int he room like he usually would and sat down. It wasn't until he reached out for his hand and felt a small squeeze did he look up. Merlin still looked to be half asleep, his eyes very slowly fluttering open only to close again almost instantly as if the lights were too bright. Arthur's breath hitched in his throat as he watched Merlin's exhausted eyes slowly dart around the room until they settled on him. 

Merlin smiled sleepily and squeezed Arthur's hand as best as he could. Despite being asleep for almost three days straight, Merlin still looked so _exhausted_ -both Mentally and Physically. The bags underneath his eyes seemed to have lightened up over time but his eyes still looked red and sunken in. Neither Merlin or Arthur seemed to be making a move to talk to one another, simply enjoying the warmth of each others hand and the silence of the ward.

After what seemed like hours of silence, Merlin took his hand from Arthur's grasp and used it to sit himself up despite the Blonde's protests. Once he was comfortably propped up on his back again, Merlin silently reached out and took Arthur's hand again.

"how long was i out?" Merlin asked, though his voice came out as more as a whisper. His voice was raspy from dehydration and sleep and if he wasn't in a hospital bed, Arthur would have found it an extreme turn on.

Arthur gripped Merlin's hand tighter and looked into his eyes. "Almost three days"  
  
Merlin swallowed thickly in response and turned his gaze to the window, watching the rain drops slide down the frosty glass. The air in the room was thick, though Arthur figured it was just because neither of them knew what to say.

"Merlin" Arthur spoke softly. He waited for Merlin to pry his gaze from the window and look back at him with an expression that made his heart break. "i know you're afraid and exhausted, you probably just want to sleep but i just need you to know it didn't have to be like this."  
  
When Merlin didn't say anything but look at him with tired eyes, Arthur lent forward in his chair and held Merlin's hand with both of his. "Merls, i don't know if this is the right time to say this but i almost lost you and i can't do it again. I love you, more than i've ever loved anyone and it terrifies me but i now know you feel the same way. I'm not asking for a relationship or any sort of commitment, i just want you to know"

Merlin's breath hitched in his throat and he smiled a watery smile but before he could lean forward and connect their lips together, to tell him that he feels the same way, his eyes grew heavy and sleep took him again. Arthur smiled and pulled the sheet as high as he could with the way he was sitting and brushed some fallen hair's off his forehead so he could place a soft kiss on his temple.


	4. Chapter 4

After being placed on a suicide watch for the night and proving he was no longer a danger to himself, Merlin finally gets discharged. Arthur and his friends are sceptical to let him go home, especially since Merlin has been acting like nothing had happened and has made no move to talk about the elephant in the room, but they still agreed because they knew being cooped up in a hospital was beginning to take it's toll.

It had just gone 11 o'clock and Merlin was already in his clothes and waiting for the Nurse. The rest of his friends stood around him and shared worried looks and silent words but they said nothing. Arthur couldn't help the smile that crept onto his face as he watched Merlin shift anxiously on his bed, his hands wringing together.

"Merls, calm down. She probably just got held up" Arthur said.

"But it's almost been 10 minutes and the Nurses station is right there" Merlin gestured outside the room.

As if on cue, the nurse came back in the room while flicking through his folder. She looked up and smiled briefly at the other's before she looked at Merlin. "I'm sorry it took so long, i got held up. It looks like you are free to go home, provided someone stay with you for a few days. I would also recommend you talk to a therapist of some sort and maybe even look into joining a support group" She held out some pamphlets to Merlin who took them with hesitant hands.

After she talked about therapy options and support groups, she left the room. Almost immediately, Merlin grabbed his bag and jumped off the bed. He trailed back and let the others go first and when he thought no one was looking, he dropped the pamphlets on the chair and walked out. Unbeknown to him, Arthur and the others had seen what he did and they shared worried glances but they didn't say anything. 

Once they got to the parking lot, the others made Merlin promise to call them in a couple days and with a few hugs, they went their own separate ways. Arthur took the bag from Merlin's hand and put it in the backseat before he opened the door and waited for him to climb in. Once he was inside, Arthur went around to the drivers seat and started the engine before pulling out of the parking garage and heading to his apartment.

The entire drive over was just as he expected it to be, silent. Merlin had his body turned towards the door and kept his gaze solely on the trees as they drove. Arthur wanted to reach out and hold his hand in a grip so tight that it cut off circulation. He wanted to say something, anything, but found no words came to mind. Most of all, he really wanted to know why Merlin had did it. Why he felt like he was so alone, why he didn't come to him for help. 

When they get to Arthur's flat, he parks the car and walks around to the passenger seat, opening the door for Merlin before he gets his bag out of the backseat. They walk up to the building in silence , Arthur notices how tense and anxious Merlin looks and it makes his heart break. It isn't until they're out the front of Merlin's apartment and he makes a move to close the door before Arthur can get in do they finally talk. Arthur stops the door with his foot and glares at him before he pushes it open and walks inside.

"what are you doing?" Merlin eyes him curiously.

"I'm staying" Arthur says simply. "The nurse said someone should and there's no way in hell im letting those buffoons in this place, especially Gwaine"   
  
Merlin rolls his eyes and walks towards his bedroom. Arthur feels a lump in his throat as he remembers running towards the bedroom, screaming Merlin's name before he burst through the bathroom door. He tries to ignore the nervous feeling in his stomach when Merlin hasn't returned and he tries to convince his mind that he's fine. When a few minutes pass and he still hasn't returned, Arthur can no longer stop his worry and without his consent, his feet start taking him towards the bedroom. His eyes frantically dart around the eerily still room before they settle on Merlin's sleeping figure in his bed.

Arthur smiles fondly and walks towards the bed, sitting just below Merlin's hip and moving his hand to brush some of his raven locks away from his face. He shifts closer and continues to card his hand through his hair, his stomach melting at the noises of content the other makes in his sleep. With nothing else to occupy his mind, he starts to think about these past few days. No matter how much he tries, he cant get the image of Merlin's glazed over eyes staring back at him with such exhaustion and pain. He tries not to, he knows it's not his fault, but he can't help but blame himself. Merlin was obviously struggling for months now and he was too wrapped up in his own life to notice, everyone was. 

He hadn't even realised he had been crying until a few salty tears dripped onto the grey sheets, leaving small drench marks in their wake. He sniffles and wipes his eyes with the sleeve of his hoodie while his other hand continues to play with Merlin's hair. With everything that has been going on, he hadn't even bothered to think about what would have happened if he had of been even a few minutes late. But now, when he's alone with his thoughts, his mind instantly makes up a scenario where he hadn't made it on time.

His heart clenches painfully at the thought and a quiet sob escapes his lips. He leans down and places a gentle kiss to Merlin's temple, letting his forehead linger on his cheek as he cries silently. When Merlin shifts under him, he snaps his head back up and sighs a breath of relief to see him still peacefully sleeping. Arthur moves until he's lying down next to him, wrapping one arm around his chest and the other continuing to card though his hair.

***

Arthur wakes up with a groan as the sunlight peaks through the slightly open curtains, hitting just the right spot in his eye that makes his head pound. He slowly opens his eyes and let's them adjust to the light before he rubs the sleep out of his eyes. As soon as his eyes focus, he is greeted by Merlin's bright blue orbs staring back at him with such fondness that makes his heart melt. He reaches a hand out and places it on Merlin's cheek, letting his thumb trail his cheekbones and wondering if he uses enough pressure will they cut his thumb.

When his thumb trails underneath his eyes and he feels something wet, he shifts himself onto his elbow to look at the other properly. He feels a lump in his throat when he sees tears slowly sliding down his cheeks and into the pillow. He reaches out again and wipes the tears from his cheeks, letting his hand linger on the side of his face.

"Merls" He breathes out and shifts closer until their noses are touching. He keeps his hand on his cheek and watches as he leans into the touch, closing his eyes and breathing a shaky sigh. 

"Talk to me" He says again, fighting back his own tears at the broken expression on his face. He has only really seen Merlin cry a handful of times in the years he has known him and each time, it breaks his heart.

"I'm sorry" Merlin replies, his voice thick and all Arthur wants to do is wrap him in his arms and transfer the pain to him, anything to see him smile again.

Arthur moves until their bodies are pressed together from head to toe and gently pushes Merlin's head to his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around his lithe frame and letting him cry. 

"it's not your fault" Arthur says. "when you're ready, i want you to talk to me about it, i want to know why"  
  
The room was silent for a few minutes, the only sounds were Merlin's small sniffles and the distant sound of cars passing on the street before Merlin speaks again. "i just felt like everything was going wrong and i couldn't breathe"  
  
"talk to me, please"  
  
Merlin sighed a heavy breath and nuzzled further in Arthur's chest. "i got fired and i barely have enough money to keep my apartment, i realised i wouldn't be able to keep my apartment if i didn't have a job"  
  
"Why didn't you come to me? I could have helped, i _would_ have helped"

"it's always been just me Arthur. My father left, my mother lives 4 hours away and i've never had any friends. I've always delt with my problems on my own and asking for help is too hard."  
  
Arthur squeezes his eyes shut and tightens his hold on his back. "I'm sorry i wasn't there for you"  
  
Merlin pulls back and smiles sadly. "it's not your fault, you were busy. The same thing would have happened if i called someone else"  
  
Arthur's breath hitched in his throat as he stared at his friend. He knew it was the worst time imaginable to confess his feelings but it is eating him up inside every second he spends with him and after almost losing him, he realised how short like actually was and risks were worth taking if it meant he could get what he wanted. He reached out again and placed his hand on Merlin's cheek, his eyes darting between his lips and his eyes before he lent in and lightly slotted their lips together. He lingered his lips for only a moment then lent back to see his reaction.

"what was that for?" Merlin breathed out, his eyes blown wide in shock.

Arthur swallowed thickly and darted his eyes back to his lips. "Merlin, i love you. i have loved you since i first saw you and it kills me everyday i don't get to have you. I know things are tough right now and you're not ready but i'm willing to wait a thousand years if it means we can be happy together"  
  
Merlin stares at him with an expression that makes his heart thump in his chest. His brain automatically starts coming up with things to say to explain himself but to his surprise, he doesn't get the chance as their lips are pressed together again.

Their lips move slowly together, their hands reaching out to touch the other anywhere they can. Both men's hearts raced in their chests and their lungs tightened with need for air but they refused to stop, instead opting for breathing through their noses and blowing hot air on each others cheeks. Arthur felt his stomach swirl and he decided he needed to stop before he got himself into an awkward situation.

They broke apart reluctantly and took deep breaths. Arthur kept his eyes closed for a minute and allowed himself to bask in the pleasure of his lips tingling before he opened his eyes and met Merlin's again. This time, when their eyes met, Arthur could still see the pain and exhaustion in them and he knew everything was far from becoming okay again, but he could also see an infinite amount of love and pleasure.

"I love you too, Arthur" Merlin choked out and nuzzled his head back into Arthur's neck. His arms instantly worked their way around his small frame and he sighed happily.

They still had a lot of work to do, and still had a lot more to talk about, but somehow they both knew everything would be okay in the end.

**Author's Note:**

> I will do a part two of Merlin and Arthur in the hospital if yall want, just let me know.


End file.
